"Rehab" - 1934 Noel Coward Original.

Terribly flat, rehab.

Alistair Darling's New Sideline...

Cassetteboy vs The Bloody Apprentice

Cole is 'world's sexiest woman'

In a shock result this week, veteran actress Stephanie Cole has been named the world's sexiest woman by readers of FHM magazine, beating off Megan Fox, Jessica Alba and Britney Spears to the top spot. Nearly 10 million votes were cast globally in the poll, now in its 15th year.
The 68-year-old hottie, who hails from Solihull, has appeared in a host of sitcoms, including 'Waiting for God', and already has an O.B.E., but says this latest accolade won't affect her plans for the immediate future.

Life imitates Art?

In a bizarre story that sees the worst excesses of Hollywood hacks come true, a Qantas flight from Alice Springs to Melbourne was grounded earlier after four baby pythons escaped from their container in the aircraft's hold.
They were among 12 Stimson's pythons being transported, and at first it was thought that the other snakes had eaten them, but this was discounted after they were weighed on landing.
After transferring the passengers to another jet, the plane was fumigated, although the snakes' bodies are yet to be found.
"They're not endangered so a decision was made to fumigate...if these snakes turn up they will be very much dead motherfucking snakes," said Samuel L. Jackson of Qantas.
In other sad news, broadcaster, politician, chef, wit and raconteur Sir Clement Freud made his final slip today, as he passed away at his London home just nine days short of his 85th birthday. 'Just A Minute' will never be the same again.

Today's Haiku Film Review:

Snakes On A Plane (2006) -

Not since 'Airplane II'
Have so many laughs been had
Aboard an aircraft!

I-i-i-in 1!

Jim Bowen has finally been released from prison after serving 27 years behind bars for ABH (annoying Bullseye host). The Court of Appeal overruled his original conviction, declaring it "unsafe" due to new DNA evidence.
He has claimed compensation for wrongful imprisonment, which the Justice Secretary Jack Straw will be counting out during the commercial break.

Make up your own jokes...

A new study, conducted on behalf of Natural England and the People's Trust for Endangered Species, has suggested that the re-introduction of beavers into the UK could "benefit the environment". Professor John Gurnell, of Queen Mary College, University of London and one of the report's authors, said beavers acted as "ecosystem engineers" and could provide many benefits, including alleviating risks of both flooding and drought, boosting water quality and helping wildlife and agriculture.
He added that there was no evidence beavers spread disease, which seems incredibly irresponsible given the government's current ad campaigns on the dangers of STDs. Next thing you know the Pope will be suggesting that condoms actually increase the spread of HIV/AIDS.

Today's Haiku Film Review:

The Dam Busters (1955) -

True story of war
And casual racism.
Bombed in Germany.