Sunday, 4 January 2009

It's back for 2009...

...bigger and better than before! I refer, of course, to the World of Gruntfuttock, which returns after a brief hiatus over the festive period. Not that I've been idle, mind you; my plans for global domination are coming on apace, as evinced by my recent successful destruction of the capitalist markets, my stranglehold on the Ukraine by withdrawal of gas (ostensibly for non-payment of bills, although I didn't even send them a final demand) and my invasion of Gaza (he's never been the same since his run in with Vinnie Jones).

To more serious matters, and the new series of 'Celebrity' Big Brother commenced this week to the delight and dismay of many. A quick run down of the participants (and, let's face it, many of them should be) reveals that this year's intake is as disparate and desperate as ever, and should lead to no beginning of entertaining scenarios. First in was LaToya Jackson, all squeaky and chiselled, who appears to be as insane as the rest of her brood, closely followed by Muttya, the 'Sugababe' everyone loves to hate. Then came Verne Troyer, who is a shoe-in to win because women find him "sooo cute" in a rather patronising way, and Tommy Sheridan, infamous Scottish communist, most well known for recording with The Beatles. Next was self-proclaimed "Tory-bird" Lucy Pinder (did anyone else notice Verne's face light up upon her entry?) with Ben Adams, apparently the offspring of some arterial thoroughfare, close behind. A personal favourite, actress Tina Malone came next; who knows what fun is to be had watching her struggle with her OCD and bipolarism. Fish-out-of-water Coolio followed, looking thoroughly puzzled by the whole affair, with failed 'Popstar' Michelle Heaton in tow. Finally, two stalwarts of British broadcasting appeared: the ever-detestable Terry Christian of 'Word' fame (lions, anyone?) and the ever-pregnant Ulrika-ka-ka Jonsson.
I look forward to three weeks of non-stop, knockabout fun, safe in the knowledge that whilst that lot are in the BB house I can safely watch the other channels without seeing any of their ugly mugs.

Today's Haiku Film Review:

Series 7: The Contenders (2001) -

Satirical view
of reality TV.
Bring on the real thing!

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